Running On The Cheap

Jul. 27th, 2017 08:02 am[personal profile] iosonochesono
iosonochesono: (Simpsons: Hipster Lisa)
I was thinking about how much driving all the way to San Diego or Long Beach to do a 5k would suck on a weekly basis. I may go Saturday, but that's a very long excursion to do more than once per month - bi-weekly at most. And a lot of these races are a few dozen dollars each to register.

Then I thought: what if I tried to start my own local 5k?

At first I was thinking I could try and start a work-specific one - which would be geared toward people in the store. But instead what if I did "Shopping Center Sprinters" and basically invited anyone in the vicinity to come out for a weekly run? And if people actually tried showing up, eventually I could try to collect really small dollar amounts (e.g. 1-5) for prizes?




I've been looking up room renting and found places that go as low as $450/month if you're willing to share a room. It might be an option temporarily for living independently of any family members (and for trying to test out if I like living in an area or not.)

So, knowing I can find places in my budget, it then becomes about paying off any debts and getting rid of unnecessary material possessions.

Fun And Excitement

Jul. 26th, 2017 10:02 pm[personal profile] iosonochesono
iosonochesono: (MLP: Super Happy/Excited)
So, I want to work on doing adventurous things every weekend, and was thinking about trying to do paragliding this weekend. But I think it makes more sense to do a big thing every-other-weekend.

There's a 5k in Long Beach this weekend and since I'm considering trying to move up to Long Beach in March, I thought maybe I should start trying to get to the 5ks out there, explore the area. (Plus, it's a relatively inexpensive 5k.)

Maybe have a plan where every-other-week or so, I do something bucket-list big. (That's when I get a paycheck from both jobs.) Though it's not like I could even think to do that every week. Eventually, what will happen is things will get cheaper, because instead of doing it as tandem or part of a lesson I'll be doing it solo or with groups. Paragliding tandem is expensive, but paragliding by oneself is cheap. Skydiving in tandem is expensive, if I learn to skydive solo it's cheap. Rinse and repeat. Surfing lessons are expensive. Going out to the beach with a bodyboard and surfboard on my own? Pretty cheap.

So I'll spend more some weeks, and other weeks will get closer and closer to dirt cheap.

I've also decided I want to push the CNA and TEFL/CELTA specifically this year. I'm considering moving to Long Beach... But I may also just see if I can get teaching jobs out of the country.

Patrick really wants to do TEFL himself. Jessica was considering it. So it'd be something I could get into where I wasn't necessarily going it alone.
iosonochesono: Aang, Sokka, Katara being chased by the fire nation. (Avatar TLA: Trio AAAAH!)


In today's episode of "My brother destroys everything he touches" - he does this to all his technology. This was part of the damage from the other day.

I remember this thing talking about abuse in a book - I think it was Why Does He Do That? or rather, a quote from that book in another book - and the doctor asking a patient whether their partner broke all things, or just hers. And it was pointed out that this was evidence of his conscientiousness and abuse - he was never enraged enough to actually lose all control and start breaking all the things in the house. He only attacked hers.

Well, in line with my brother being mentally ill as opposed to straight-up abusive... He destroys a lot of his own shit. Most of the stuff he was throwing was his own.

ReActivate

Jul. 26th, 2017 01:03 am[personal profile] iosonochesono
iosonochesono: (TPATF: Fray)
I'm not sure how far I am through the ReActivate course (textbook.) A lot of it I remember. Some of it I need to review. Some things I need to review a lot.

I'm excited at the idea of becoming involved in the local dive community. I only hope I can start getting involved in 5k runs, as well. The main problem with running is that finding the time to train with two jobs is hard.




Learning about codependency has been really hard. I feel weary. I think of things I've tried to control so long and have finally stopped trying to control them. I think of all the ways I've let myself be a doormat over the years. I hurt over people I lost - either because I pushed them and hurt them, or because I imagined we were closer and more intimate than we were and opened up too hard and too fast.

I've cried a lot the last week. It hasn't all been bad. There's been a lot of thinking about the ways I isolated myself, the way I pushed people away, all the ways I became a husk and tried to fill my identity by attaching myself to another person. People I hurt specifically because I wanted to make sure they were never in my life again. People I've neglected because I was so worried what they thought of me. That stuff hasn't been pleasant. Of those things, the most harrowing has been Memo, because Memo really never did anything really wrong. It just sucked that he found his soulmate when he did.

There's been a lot of confusion - a lot of attempted thought as to who I am, what I like. That feeling, the feeling of being empty or blank. It's a sign of depression and codependency. Undeveloped or neglected self. If I don't know, it's a chance to look for experiences.

The more I stop letting other people be an excuse for why I don't do things - surf, hike, skydive, bungee jump, paraglide, SCUBA dive, etc. - the better I feel. And in the same vein, I've stopped being a perfectionist. I'm not waiting to be 120LBS before starting to dive again. I'll continue to try and be healthier and stronger. But I am going to get back into diving now.

I cut a lot of people from FaceBook, and plan to cut more. If we don't talk or hang out, we're not friends, and I don't want to pretend to be friends with people. I want to work on being the person I am.




Some people at work are really mad that I went skydiving without inviting them. It's really funny, because I kept inviting people skydiving over the last year. And people kept making excuses for why they couldn't go.

And a lot of these people don't invite me anywhere. Or they bail. They don't invite me to parties, they don't invite me clubbing, they bail on running or hiking.

I don't feel like bringing people along with me on adventures when we don't even do day-to-day conversations. I don't want to take someone sky-diving if they're not someone I feel I can talk to about what goes on in my home.

So I won't.

Maybe I will invite people, eventually. But I feel like if I can't even count on you for a jog, why should I count on you to travel or go on adventures with? I mean, there's a lot of 'let it happen' and 'go with the flow' mentality when discussing codependency and trying to establish more relationships and bond with others so you're not relying too much on a small network. But it just seems stupid for people to expect me to invite them along on the big outings when we don't do small stuff together. Like. The people you're supposed to do the adventurous stuff with are supposed to be people you already do the little things with.

ReActivate

Jul. 25th, 2017 03:09 pm[personal profile] iosonochesono
iosonochesono: The Rachel Maddow Show (Political: Rachel Maddow Show Sign)
The PADI ReActivate course is (currently) really common-sense. Then I just have to go by the dive shop I made my 'home' dive shop and see about getting dives set up with a Master Diver.

My thought is I'll 'ReActivate' all my past certifications first, then see if I can knock them all out in the same few dives. (I only had three.) Then I'll start getting involved with the dive clubs in Orange County.

Then after that I want to start doing specialty courses - especially wreck diver and cavern diver. But I'll probably focus on a few of the easier ones first, e.g. Underwater photography.




The flight school responded to tell me they don't sell dollar-value gift certificates online but if I visit them I can get a dollar-value gift certificate there. So what I'll do is go down there to do a tandem flight, and each time I do, I'll have $200-$400 to put on a gift certificate toward the P1 + P2 certification combo.




I was thinking about trying to apologize to Jordan and telling him he really doesn't need to avoid me at work. Like, my feelings will recover (I think they would have already if it hadn't been his avoidance at work.)

But I'd already told him that. So instead I guess I'll just try to practice MYOB: Mind Your Own Business. Eventually he'll either stop avoiding me, or one of us won't work in the shopping center anymore.




In the meantime... Time to go to work.

Family Drama

Jul. 23rd, 2017 02:29 pm[personal profile] iosonochesono
iosonochesono: (DP: You and I (Sam to Danny))
Kevin, "Can you take me to Target?"
Me, "Okay, let's go now so I can sleep before my night shift."
Me, "Hey can you hide your [pot]? It's poisonous to cats."
Kevin, "No it's not."
Me, "Yes it is, you can look it up online."
Kevin, "Never mind, I don't even wanna go to CostCo and Target. I don't want to deal with the stress. I don't need this third degree."
Me, "I wasn't giving you the third degree, I was asking you to keep the pot--"
Kevin, "NEVER MIND."



Thirty Minutes Later After I've Come Home




Kevin, "Mind taking me to the gas station?"
Me, "You asked me to take you to Target. I agreed, and you changed your mind. I'm sorry you're stressed out, but I'm home now and planning to sleep before work."

And... Now he's screaming at everyone and throwing stuff. But maybe he'll realize this constant yanking on my chain is inappropriate. I'm not sure how much this works when the drug/alcohol abuser you're dealing with someone who ALSO has a personality and mood disorder.

He doesn't get it. We don't want him gone. We want him to get help. But letting his mood swings dictate all our decisions is not a solution.

In the 'getting out of this living situation' - since paying half the rent didn't work in giving me a better say in my living situation and Dad still forced us to let Kevin move back in - I'm thinking I could try moving to Anaheim? There's an ROP nursing program there, I wouldn't have to quit any job, and it's a good halfway point to Long Beach, too, which is where the CNA courses are hosted.

Room-searching scares me though. Lots of creepy advertisements. Then again, it can't be that much worse than living with my brother. Except the ads looking to rent a room 'for free' in exchange for being an 'FWB.'

Like... I know most men are not disgusting, most people are generally good (or at least well-intentioned), etc.

But there are some doozies when you're looking at ads searching for roommates.

Thoughts

Jul. 23rd, 2017 01:14 am[personal profile] iosonochesono
iosonochesono: (TPATF: Ambitious)
So I was looking at bungee jumping tomorrow, or paragliding, but then I decided I didn't want to do things that would take hours of my day and make me tired for work that night.

Which is too bad, because it was so tempting.

Instead I'm going to try to go rock climbing tomorrow, and study up the certifications I'm 'ReActivating.'

I'd like to work on backpacking too. I was thinking I could start getting the gear, going to one of the local campsites on the weekend, and practice basics. Then I could do trips when I feel comfortable with the gear and believe I can make it a few days without running back to town.

Skydive SCUBA dive

Jul. 21st, 2017 04:35 pm[personal profile] iosonochesono
iosonochesono: (Default)
I am literally taking the SCUBA refresher WHILE waiting to be suited up to skydive. #multitasking

Skydiving!!!

Jul. 20th, 2017 04:49 pm[personal profile] iosonochesono
iosonochesono: (Avatar TLA: Toph Escatic)
I booked a skydiving trip for tomorrow!!

I'd been waiting to go in Monterey (world's highest tandem dive) but I'll try later in the year.

I'm also thinking about surfing lessons. I'd been wanting to a while. But I have two days off this week.

Then I'm also trying to figure out where I want to take photos this weekend.
iosonochesono: (Candy: Cadbury Mini Eggs)
So because of the Memory Lane trip Guillermo del Toro sent me on, I tried to look up Memo and see if he ended up marrying Andrea, or if they got engaged.

(Memo was always on a deadline to get married by the time he was twenty-eight, so I wanted to see if he was 'on schedule.')

I didn't see anything definitive. I hope they did, but on the other hand, I have a feeling if he got married he would blast wedding photos all over his FaceBook page and it would be in his status and in fact I probably would have somehow heard it even though there's literally no one we have mutual contact with anymore.

I might have to message him about this Guillermo del Toro thing. I don't think that would offend his sensibilities, lol. It's been a long time, but we never technically ended on bad terms. I just was honest and said hey, I don't think I can be friends with you right now.
iosonochesono: (Cats: Jack Yawn)
My brother introduced me to The Strain, an FX show. I'm going to avoid binge-watching it. But what I found interesting about it is that it's actually a show we both love, which is an unusual phenomenon. It was created by Guillermo del Toro, which is probably why.

Guillermo del Toro really makes me think of Memo. I think that was one of his biggest role models. But I like it regardless. Just, it has that little extra bit.

Last week I finally bought eczema lotion for my hands. They're not fully back to normal, but they're distinctively less lizard-looking. I have to be really on top of it though. This weather really brings it out.

Tomorrow I'm going to try an Al-Anon group. I'm not really sure what will become of it. I mean, yes, I live with an alcoholic, drug addicted person with a mood and personality disorder (who is in a mutually codependent relationship with another drug addict.)

I live with a person trying to protect, control, and change said person who has become codependent (if he wasn't already. I think he's been that way for as long as I can remember.)

And I've realized this is messing me up.

I know I need to get out, but it's not as easy as 1-2-3. There's the lease (through March). That's my deadline for getting some entry vocational skills and unloading any previous debt. I don't need to be making enough money to live 100% on my own without roommates next year. I just need to be on a career track.
Page generated Jul. 28th, 2017 02:35 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios